I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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