My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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