I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
