STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm too high and old for this...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
