Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
