I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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