Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
