sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
