Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
