watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
