I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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