Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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