woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
