I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
