Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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