New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
