If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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