She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize