awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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