i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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