I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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