one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
