Moan for me like Helen Keller
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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