Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
