Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
