I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
