fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
