I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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