i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
