it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
