im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
