do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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