I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
