I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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