just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
