its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
