worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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