Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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