bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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