I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think your dad took our porno
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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