tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
