i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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