Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
