Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
