I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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