I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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