Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
