I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
