the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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