my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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