Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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