so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
