Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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