My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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