I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
