That's intense
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
