Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
