I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize