I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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