Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize