Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
