Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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