He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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