Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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