Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
