So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
