It was confusing and full of hummus
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
