college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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