1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
