I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
