u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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