There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
