shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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