I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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