Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
