you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
