thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
