If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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