I showed him my bush... on skype.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
