It's Friday. Sex?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
