You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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