you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
