you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
