Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
