Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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