i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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