I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
