call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
