Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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