It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
