I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm like, not good at living.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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