really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
