bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
